An Ode to the 2009 AMS Elections

The candidates from A to Z
From Tory Blue to Knollie Red
All tired from this long campaign
Each to intoxicate their brain
Did gather in the Gallery
And waited for democracy

We’d like to thank elections staff;
Last year’s turnout was less than half.
From disengaged to hacks devout
They voted and they used their clout
But what when problems do us harm?
WEE-OOH! Democracy alarm!

With results to our nerves abate
And to disclose contestants’ fates
EA Rehal finally arrived
To divulge which candidates survived
On this tears and smiles did abound,
And everyone bought another round.

Finance was as we expected
Dvorak closed his day elected
And so he seized the Treasury
With wasted quotes to Ubyssey
‘Gainst Ale Coates, whose awesome name,
Couldn’t win her the final game.

The campus chose, for VPX,
Not fire, iRod, or pub in Kits.
Much to the delight of Rory Green,
T’was a fixture of the campus scene.
Who did equity loving voters select?
It’s Tim Chu, VPX Elect.

RadBeer reports, with much chagrin
The Keg’s not our VP Admin
But night’s surprise was Markle, who
Was thrown from office in Hon led coup
Now SUB Renew is her domain,
The spoils of a well run campaign.

Next comes our Johannes Rebane
The candidate who overcame
Slander, attacks, and flat out lies
But was the best in RadBeer’s eyes
‘Gainst Purewall, Wood and Nogas too,
Meritocracy rung true.

Last comes the President-Elect
Monegro, Frederick or Korczyk
The count was close, but 46
Separated hit from miss
But when the dust had settled down,
Frederick wore the thorny crown

The AUS was there that night
And on results, t’was glee, delight
For pledges they did hold in hand
From all new rulers of the land
Round neck of Arts this millstone weighed,
Now? ACF debt will be repaid.

But what then of the VFM?
What now has become of them?
In travesty – a robbery,
First place was not the RBT,
That honor goes instead to friends
The Spectators, then us, and then

Rodruigo’s CookieGate Machine
Next, Insiders do intervene,
Followed by, in order banked
Knoll, Fair Vote, DA, who ranked
One above the mystery,
Of Gossip Guy, now who is he?

Our coverage, it seems to me
Has warranted a beer party,
And so we, with dev’lish friends
Seek to make sobriety end
So join us, and believe me
We’ll make sure beer’s close to free

You’ll raise a glass, or five, or ten
And gaily down each one, and when
You feel you can drink no more
We’ll pour you another four
For what better way to spend money
But on wasted you and wasted me

And so what beverage would you quaff
To celebrate this great count off
Tis beer, no doubt, that heav’nly brew
That will help us struggle through
So raise your class and wish your best
To beer, our exec, and the AMS


7 Responses to “An Ode to the 2009 AMS Elections”

  1. 1 Crystal Hon
    February 5, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Bravo, this was excellently written.

  2. 2 Ashley
    February 5, 2009 at 6:22 pm


    Thanks for your great coverage, guys!!

  3. 3 Rory
    February 5, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Ashley, Crystal you can stop charming the media now, you have won the election.

  4. 4 Ashley
    February 5, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    It’s habit. Ahahahaha.

  5. February 5, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    Well done, from a fellow poetry writer.

  6. 6 Mitch
    February 6, 2009 at 12:12 am

    Prez was 42 votes, actually. Sarina mis-spoke.

  7. 7 radicalbeer
    February 6, 2009 at 1:22 am

    More like you forgot to disregard Lougheed’s other four.

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